Let’s look at the second concrete example Jesus gave of what it means to be counter-cultural. Once again he taught that obeying God means understand his commandments much more deeply than just at the surface level and changing your life accordingly. Once again, it’s not easy for any of us!
Let’s read Matthew 5:27-30
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
As with the previous example, Jesus took one of the ten commandments (in this case number 7) and explained what God really meant by it.
What is adultery?
Adultery is when a married person gets into bed with someone who is not their husband or wife. It might also be called “cheating” or “having an affair”, or in modern times perhaps more charitably “polyamory” or “an open relationship”.
This is different from “fornication”, which is when two people who are not married (to each other or to anyone else) get into bed together. That might also be called “sex before marriage” if the couple are in a serious long-term relationship but not yet married, or “sleeping around” or “a one night stand” if it’s just a casual one-off sexual encounter between single strangers.
Adultery is a very serious offence in God’s eyes. In the Old Testament, God even specifies the death penalty as the punishment! (see e.g. Leviticus 20:10 or Deuteronomy 22:22).
Now some people might ask why God in the Old Testament and Jesus here in the New Testament are so concerned about adultery. Obviously it’s not a great thing to cheat on your spouse, but surely it can’t be compared with murder? It’s not illegal in any Western nation with the possible exception of certain state laws within the USA, which are rarely if ever enforced to any serious degree.
Why so serious?
So why does God see adultery as such a big problem?
I’m going to suggest one possible reason. A society of people who try to serve God – or even just a society which wants to be civilised and decent – cannot be built on the foundation of atomised individuals each following their own truth and seeking their own pleasure. It can only be founded on the most basic building block God has given us: the nuclear family. That is, husband and wife and ideally one or more children.
One of the biggest reasons Western civilisation is currently falling apart is the continuing destruction of the nuclear family, and one of the biggest causes of that destruction has been the devaluing of marriage and the normalisation of adultery. Teaching people to pursue personal freedom and self-actualisation above all else has had very serious consequences.
Adultery has a very direct and deleterious effect on the social harmony and coherence of a society, and that – I suggest – is one reason why God thinks it’s such a big deal.
Read through 2 Samuel sometime and see the devastating effect that David’s act of adultery with Bathsheba had on both of their lives, as well as entirely compromising David’s ability to be a moral authority figure over his older sons.
That’s an extreme example, perhaps, but an act of adultery very rarely exists in a vacuum. It often leads to further sins, such as lies and deception to try and cover it up, and in some cases to even worse things than that.
Not so easy
Many of us could probably hold up our hands and truthfully say we’ve never slept with anyone who wasn’t our husband or wife – though probably not as many of us who could say we’ve never murdered anyone.
Once again, however, Jesus teaches that it’s not as simple as just avoiding getting into bed with someone. Just as with murder, dwelling on thoughts of it, fantasising about getting into bed with someone, counts as adultery “in the heart”.
How many of us can honestly say we’ve never indulged in lustful thoughts about someone we’re not married to? That could be someone at work, someone at church, or even a complete stranger you happened to walk past in the street.
How many of us (particularly men) can say we’ve never looked at pornography?
Once again, I doubt many (if any) of us can still hold up a clean slate where this type of temptation is concerned.
And once again, while there may be a significant gap between fantasising about sleeping with someone and actually doing so, the more we allow ourselves to indulge in those lustful thoughts, the smaller that gap may shrink.
Wait, what?
What can we do about it? Jesus’ advice, at first glance, may appear to be grotesquely extreme. Does he really expect us to gouge out an eye or cut off a hand to save ourselves from being tempted to commit adultery, either literally or in our hearts?
I think the point Jesus was trying to make with these hyperbolic statements is that you have a responsibility to remove anything out of your life that leaves you vulnerable to these temptations.
That’s unlikely to literally be your eye or your hand. What specifically needs to be removed may vary from vary to person, which means that honest self-examination of your own weaknesses and desires is essential.
Here is some general advice.
It’s generally recognised that men are mostly aroused to lustful thoughts by visual stimuli, i.e. the things that we see with our eyes. It is absolutely essential for women, particularly young women, to understand this.
Of course visual stimuli can arouse women as well, but usually not to the same extent. Men are much more likely to be tempted by pornographic pictures or videos than women are.
Women tend to experience the temptation to lustful thoughts in different, perhaps more complex ways. According to the research journal Springer Nature:
…men are more sexually aroused by visual stimuli, but women are more sexually aroused by concrete, auditory, olfactory, touch and emotionally relevant sexual stimulation.
Whereas a man may be tempted to fantasise about adultery with a woman on the basis that she appears younger and prettier than his wife, a woman might be tempted to fantasise about adultery with a man who seems to be more emotionally in touch or relationally compatible with her than her husband is.
Pornography for men is most likely to be a picture of an attractive woman with little or no clothing. Pornography for women may be something more along the lines of a salacious tale of a relationship with an exotic yet ever attentive and emotionally sensitive man.
These are generalisations, of course, but they will probably apply to many of us. Whether they apply to you is something you’ll have to decide through that process of self-examination.
If you can identify the triggers that cause you to become tempted to indulge in certain thoughts and fantasies, you can take steps to avoid experiencing those triggers in your day to day life. For example, it might be wise to avoid certain TV shows or websites if you know the sort of content you’re likely to see in them. Or if there is a certain person you are finding yourself attracted to (who is not your husband or wife) it might be wise to avoid ever being alone with that person.
These triggers will be different for each person. I can only offer general advice on recognising and avoiding them. You need to enter into the process of self-examination for yourself.
Supporting each other
As Christians the struggle against our temptations is not one that we need to fight alone. We should always be prepared to help and support one another.
Although Jesus doesn’t say so explicitly here, he gives a very clear warning in Matthew 18:6-7
If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!
This suggests we have a responsibility to avoid, as far as possible, putting temptations in front of each other. In the context of this week’s verses on adultery, that means being aware of what might provide a temptation to someone of the opposite sex.
Ladies, you need to be aware that men are primarily tempted in this regard by the things we see with our eyes. In order to help us, it may be wise to think carefully about the way you dress and present yourself (that doesn’t, of course, mean going to the extreme position of deliberately making yourself unattractive or covering up every single inch of your body).
Gents, we need to be aware that women tend to experience this sort of temptation differently from us. To help them, it may be wise to avoid spending time alone with or becoming emotionally intimate with any woman who is not your wife or a member of your family.
This is a huge topic and as I’ve already indicated, I can only offer very general advice. The responsibility is yours to think very carefully and very honestly about how these temptations most affect you and those around you, and change your lifestyle in whatever way will minimise those temptations.
I hope this has been helpful. It’s an area we all struggle with, but God is always willing to forgive us for the times we slip up.
Nihilist to Christian 