Times of mourning or suffering are some of the hardest moments for anyone, and this is no different when you’re a Christian.
Knowing that God loves you and has promised you eternal joy and happiness doesn’t lessen the pain in those moments of loss or hardship.
When you find yourself struggling in those moments, what should you do?
- Don’t give up.
At such times the temptation can be very strong to feel angry with God or to doubt whether he’s there at all. While it is true that God never promised us a life free from suffering and Jesus himself certainly didn’t enjoy one, knowing that may not make the emotional weight of your suffering any easier to bear.
Remember, however, that Jesus said “Blessed are those who mourn” or “This is good news for those who mourn”. If you are in this position of heartbreak or hardship, Jesus is speaking to you and promising that you can find comfort both when he returns and in this life right now.
- It’s OK to not be OK.
It’s OK for a Christian to mourn. It’s OK for a Christian to feel sad or depressed or heartbroken when painful life circumstances have come your way.
The hope that we share of eternal life is not intended to be an instant remedy for emotional distress. You may feel – or you may have been told – that Christians should never be unhappy and that to experience emotional distress or depression which doesn’t quickly go away is somehow a sign of ingratitude or a lack of faith towards God.
It’s not.
Mourning and feeling despondent does not equate a lack or loss of faith.
Psalm 13:
How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.
- Allow yourself to process.
In his book “What if Jesus was serious?”, Skye Jethani puts it this way:
Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn.” This addresses those who are experiencing grief, but it can also include those who mourn alongside others in their pain. Where do we make space for this legitimate part of the Christian life to find expression in our communities? We must not fall into the delusion that God has called us to a perpetual state of ever-increasing happiness. Jesus reminds us that God is also with us when we mourn, and because this is a broken world mourning is to be expected. But we do not weep as those without hope.
In that last sentence he alludes to 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
Does your church offer a space for people who mourn? Is there a quiet place amidst the noise and the happiness for people to process their grief or despair and reflect on the promise of resurrection and the age of paradise?
Paul wrote in Romans 12:15-16
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Are there people within your church who will come alongside you when you are mourning or struggling? Are you able to do this for others?
It’s OK as a Christian to take some time to process your grief or sorrow and find a way to move on. It won’t happen immediately and you may never again feel the way you did before. But you can find a way to move forward.
Don’t pretend to be happy or to be OK when you’re not. You may feel as if you don’t want to be a burden on your brothers or sisters in church, or that you don’t want to bring them down to your own place of despair, but that is why Christians are called to worship and to serve as a family, not as individuals. A family is a place where burdens can be shared, in both senses of the word.
- Don’t wait until you feel better to come to God.
That period of processing and reflection and finding a way to move forward may take some time. During that time it’s essential that you remain in touch with God. You may feel as if you need to recover a positive way of thinking before you can come before God in worship or in prayer, but that’s not true.
Do children come to their parents when they are happy and feel as if they don’t need anything, or when they are sorrowful or in pain? Nothing stirs a parent’s compassion and concern more than the sound of their child’s tears or cries for help.
Times like these are when you most need to come to God. It’s OK to pour out your heart in prayer or in worship. It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to ask God why things have happened to you. Think how many of the Psalms are precisely that. When you have a moment, pick up a Bible (or find one online) and read Psalm 88. This has been called “the saddest Psalm in the Bible” and unlike some other psalms of suffering, it doesn’t end on a positive note.
If the writers of the psalms could feel this way towards God and have their prayers recorded in holy Scripture, then you can express your sorrow and despair too. God will not be angry or disappointed. Remember, he is your Father who loves you more than you can possibly comprehend or imagine.
Nihilist to Christian 